Crowded

       
     The doors opened. Behind the steely gray metal stood a throng of people ready to descend to the bottom floor, eager to get on with the day. No room for more. No room to breathe.

As I scanned the passengers, with my companion right beside me, expressionless faces seemed to stare back at me. Hesitantly I made eye contact with the first face. I smiled. Hobbies smiled back at me. Reading, creative writing, and occasional recreation are all enjoyable things. “Stay put.”, I thought. The next face seemed heavenly - church, Sunday school, and church activities and responsibilities. Yes, yes. Important and good, so they can stay, too. Next I locked eyes with another passenger. All things school - projects, chauffeuring to practices and games, homeroom mom projects, homework help, and more. Busy schedules and exhaustion the results, but clearly part of this stage in life. Hmm. Welcome to stay, I suppose.

As I continued to scan the elevator passengers, my own reflection came into view. Of course my roles and responsibilities as wife, mom, sister, aunt, etc. had to stay. All have their challenging moments, but the joys far outweigh them. Family first, they say.

  Behind my reflection, tucked away in the corner, stood a demure figure wearing a shirt with YES printed on the front. Pondering that view for a minute, I was reluctant to evict the “YES-woman.” Service is a big part of life, so surely it would be okay to keep her around. Yes to making people smile and not disappointing anyone, even at the cost of personal inconvenience on occasion, is a good reason to keep her around.

  Hiding back in the opposite corner was a familiar friend. She’s shy and reluctant to admit her struggle with self-indulgence as she grants herself time on social media, movies, and mindless relaxing. After long days at work, surely she could be invited to stay. After all, she doesn’t speak up that much.

  While beginning to notice almost everyone had been identified, I almost missed the business woman. She had two jobs - one in ministry and one helping women with organization. Both rewarding. Both requiring time. Both enjoyable. Sure, both can stay.

  The most intimidating of all the passengers was the bold one toward the front. She preferred being in control and always wanting to look put together - seemingly handling all of the miscellaneous peaks and valleys of life with ease, managing schedules, shopping sales, and doing all the things. She looked exhausted and her eyes no longer smiled. No white space. She was lost in busyness.

     Everyone in the elevator had successfully been recognized. Now it was decision time. Seconds turned to minutes. I had granted permission for everyone to stay, which meant only one of us could squeeze onto the elevator. Maybe if I shifted people around we could both fit. Despite my attempts, nothing worked in providing more breathing room and square footage. Should I get on the elevator or allow my companion to go?

  I took the first step toward the elevator to wiggle my way into the crowd. As I crossed the threshold to take my spot, I turned to look back at my companion, whose face I had failed to notice.

  His eyes tender and his demeanor loving, yet sad, he didn’t move. As I continued to move away, he chose to remain motionless. My gaze fell to the hands hanging at his sides. There was a hole in each one. His feet, marred by scars, also indicated his love for me as my gaze continued downward.

  I remembered. I wept. His story vividly came to mind as I held his tender gaze. If I stepped into the elevator with the crowd, the doors would shut, and my companion would be left behind. Yet somehow I knew if I did make the choice to go, He would still be standing there, ready to meet me right where I left Him, ready to grab my hand once again when I returned.

  Time stood still as I glanced back at the elevator and its contents, once more. I knew. Without a doubt, I knew. In that life changing moment, I turned on my heels, grabbed His hand, and waited for the next elevator. The empty one.

     No passengers. Ready for the two of us to get on first. I want Him to choose who gets back on and when. In allowing Him to do so, everything will be just as it should be…uncrowded.